We’ve spent the last few days exploring ourselves in a deeper way, from our nervous system to habits to beliefs.
But there’s something quite toxic about the self-help industry…
The suggestion is that there is something to improve. That you must change yourself in order to find happiness.
But the reverse is true.
As Carl Rogers said, “The paradox is that when I accept myself, then I can change.”
Today we’re going to discuss self-acceptance and the inner critic.
This is the last tool in series. Enjoy!
I spent most of my 20s pursuing self-improvement. I read books, did courses, went into therapy, and changed my habits…
In the process, I learned that I was striving for happiness through external validation, career success and material possessions.
This was truly liberating.
But I had one big blind spot…
I was also striving for happiness through self-improvement.
I thought that I would become a version of myself that would finally be deserving of happiness.
But deep down there was a thought that ‘I’m not enough’.
Transforming the thought “I’m not enough” into “I’m enough” means accepting ourselves as we are.
But accepting the parts of ourselves we don’t like can seem like an impossible task…
Perhaps we compare ourselves to others, using external standards and achievements that appear to be objective measures of worth.
Perhaps we fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, others won’t accept us or perhaps we won’t be motivated to change.